


A race to the finish line

by Dimou



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Cheating, Kidnapping, M/M, Minor Character Death, Physical Abuse, falling head over heels, splotchy white couch, tidal wave of feels, use of tissues adviced
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:43:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimou/pseuds/Dimou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Benni is in the midst of a dying relationship, when he meets a charming, handsome man, who makes him forget about all his worries. Benni becomes smitten in a matter of seconds, but there's more to the mysterious man than meets the eye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The staircase

**Author's Note:**

> A little warning beforehand. I didn't want to use too much tags at this point, cause I'm afraid they will spoil too much, but this story will have violence and other rather gloomy scenes in it. (No sex-related violence though.) If you don't want to read about those kind of things, I suggest you to pass this fic. I will edit the tags once they become relevant.
> 
> Other than that, hope you'll enjoy this story!

Benni sighed. He had had a long day at work, boring one too, and he had looked forward to finally getting home. Now that he actually was at home, he couldn't remember anymore what was so nice about it. He had another working day waiting for him here as well. As if he wasn't weary enough from the first one.

Benni gathered up the used dishes and started washing them. His stomach was growling, mourning for food, but he just couldn't eat with dirty dishes in sight. Not that they had that many pans either, he had to wash the ones used for making breakfast if he wanted to cook something now. 

The noises of Manu playing some video game could be heard from the living room. Every time his boyfriend exclaimed from joy, Benni saw himself grabbing the dish brush more tightly, scrubbing the dirty plates more furiously. By the time he had advanced to rinsing, he was so mad he considered it to be a small miracle he didn't break anything. Rinsing plates and moving them to the dish drying closet did not need that much force. But he was glad of the clatter they made, it drowned out Manu's yells a little.

Benni dried his hands, wiped the counters clean and started rummaging through the fridge for something to eat. There wasn't a lot of it, because Manu, obviously, hadn't bothered to go buy for more, but Benni wasn't completely useless in the kitchen. He could make something out of scraps too. He set to work, turning the kitchen radio on to get some more pleasing background noise. He started to almost enjoy himself.

Almost. Then Manu walked in to the kitchen, lured in by the smell of something cooking. 

”Aw man, you're not making fridge miracles à la Benni again? Couldn't we eat something nice for a change?”

Benni dropped the spatula. He wasn't sure what he would do with it if he kept holding it.

”We most definitely could, I'd like that too. It's just that fridge miracles is the only option when there's no real food available.”

Manu walked to the fridge, opened it, eyed it doubtfully. ”Why didn't you pop in to buy some on your way home?”

”Why didn't you?” Benni tried to keep the malice out of his voice. He tried to not cross his arms. He really did.

”Well excuse me, aren't you the one who works right next to a supermarket?” Manu slammed the fridge door close again, turned his squinting eyes to Benni now.

”And aren't you the one who gets home three hours earlier than me? Would it be that difficult to use one of those hours to go to the supermarket? Or I don't know, doing the dishes, cleaning a bit, doing anything that isn't PlayStation-related?”

”But I don't like doing the dishes.”

”Yeah, and I find it fucking hilarious, it's my absolute favourite thing to do!”

Benni started marching off the kitchen, brushing past Manu. He was tired and hungry and mad and he did not want to do this right now. He stomped right in to the hall, started putting his shoes and jacket on.

”I'm going for a walk,” Benni opened the front door, stepped in to the corridor, ”and you better get something fucking done before I get back!”

Benni slammed the door shut and turned around to storm towards the elevator, only to then realise that he wasn't alone in the corridor. Someone had apparently walked up the stairs while he had been shouting and now that same someone was staring at him. Benni didn't know him, but then again he didn't really know anyone of his neighbours, they hadn't been living in this building for very long. He figured it would be best to just ignore the guy, pretend nothing had happened and started to the elevator, but the man spoke up before he could reach it.

”Trouble in paradise?”

Benni pushed the call button, his back to the stranger. ”I'd hardly call it a paradise.”

”Want to talk about it?”

Benni didn't want to be rude, but he didn't want to talk about his love problems to a stranger, either. He peeked at the man above his shoulder, turned back to the elevator right after. ”Not really.” 

”Come on, I'm told I make an excellent comforting tea. And my company isn't half bad either.”

Benni took another peek, longer one this time. The guy was grinning smugly at him. Benni had a thing for snarky pricks. He turned more towards the man, opened his mouth to say something, and just then the elevator pinged to inform it had arrived. The neighbour continued his way to the stairs.

”Come, my flat is on the top floor.”

Benni followed him, without even fully noticing it, as if he was hypnotised. ”Why are you using the stairs? The elevator just got here.”

”I like to keep my butt in shape,” the guy said, not even a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Snarky prick with a great ass. Benni was doomed.

”Neuer or Höwedes?”

”Hmm?” Benni had not been too preoccupied with the ass in front of him to pay attention. No.

His neighbour pointed towards Benni's door that would soon be out of sight below the sixth floor and Benni realised they had a sign on it, with his and Manu's names.

”Oh, Höwedes. Benedikt. You can call me Benni, too.”

”Well, nice to meet you, Benni. I'm Mats.” 

Mats' door didn't have a sign with his last name on it. None of the doors on the top floor did. Benni thought it was a bit odd, but he didn't think too much of it, didn't linger on it. His thoughts were preoccupied with the view that hit him right after he stepped inside Mats' apartment.

The top floor of their building had only three apartments, as opposed to the six on rest of the floors. And the apartments were just as big and beautiful as one would expect them to be. Mats' was on the northernmost corner, facing away from the city center. His living room had huge, floor to ceiling windows that offered a breathtaking view over the forest and small lake that the building was situated next to. Benni had wanted to move closer to the nature, to somewhere more peaceful and quiet from the buzz of the city, but he had had no idea how stunning the scenery could be from this high up. Right after entering Mats' place, he practically run to the windows to admire it. From their windows he could only see the tree tops and teeny tiny glimpses of the water.

Mats did make excellent tea. His company wasn't half bad either. He was a great host, offering Benni something to eat too once he realised how hungry Benni was and he listened intensely what Benni had to say. Pretty soon Benni saw himself spilling all his problems to this stranger. Opening up to Mats came almost naturally, he didn't even pay attention to it.

”It hasn't actually been pure bliss. It was cute when we weren't yet living together, his laziness and that he just wanted to spend all day long in bed with me, doing nothing but adoring me and daydreaming how wonderful our shared life could be. But now, it's still everything he does, and it's getting annoying. I mean god, would it be that difficult to pick up a vacuum cleaner every now and then? Would it be horrible to do the dishes once in a while? To actually cook something for himself and not wait for me to come home from work all tired, just so that I can start serving him? I don't want to be a fucking housewife.”

”Bet you'd look super cute in an apron, though.”

Benni couldn't help but laugh. Mats was good at listening, but his best quality was the way he could direct Benni's gloomy thoughts away from his problems, make him forget about them completely and focus on something nice instead. He didn't offer empty, solacing words ('aww, I'm sorry, it'll get better') or useless advice Benni knew himself to be true ('you just need to sit down and talk about this') but said something completely out of the blue, something totally out of line but something that still, or exactly because of it, made Benni laugh.

Mats gave him easy compliments, flirted with him shamelessly but still innocently and Benni noticed himself blushing and fluttering his eyelashes, leaning closer to the body next to him. It felt nice, really nice, to be treated like something special again, like he had other purposes in this life than just housekeeping. He felt alive again.

In the back of his mind, Benni kind of knew he was acting a bit melodramatic. He and Manu had been dating less than a year, and at first their relationship had been brilliant, full of passion, he had been the apple of Manu's eyes, they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Naturally they had thought that moving in together would be great, since they already spent all their time together, but sadly the truth was far from it. The pink shades had fallen off pretty much as soon as the last moving truck had driven away and it all had started going downhill from there. Now all he and Manu did was bicker, like an old married couple, but without the perks. And they had been living together less than two months.

So yes, he hadn't suffered that long, but nevertheless it was refreshing to get some attention from a hot guy. Even if it was just to make him feel better, it really worked. 

Benni and Mats joked, flirted and chatted about this and that for hours. Manu or any relationship issues hadn't been mentioned in ages, they had moved on to more interesting topics. Benni couldn't remember when was the last time he had had this much fun. Mats was a really interesting person, he had great stories from his travels all around the world, he could discuss about the deeper meaning of movies and the differences between Chilean and French wines, he had a huge collection of vinyls that offered them an appropriate background music, and he could come up with the most innovative, clever ways to flatter Benni. He was captivating.

It was only when Mats suggested if they should open a bottle of red when Benni realised what he actually was doing. He was flirting with some guy he had met only today, practically screaming 'come and get me!' with his body language, giggling at the smallest of compliments. All this while his boyfriend had been waiting for him to come back home for hours, only three floors down. Benni glanced at his watch. It was closing on midnight.

”Thanks, but I'll pass the wine,” Benni cleared his throat, ”I really need to get back home. Thanks for cheering me up though, Mats.”

Benni rose from the couch, took his jacket that he had thrown on the arm chair, smiled at Mats a little embarrassed. Mats flashed all his teeth back at him.

”Believe me Benni darling, the pleasure was all mine. It's not often that I get such intriguing company. Come knocking at my door any time when you have problems again.”

Benni so not would come back, and he sincerely hoped they wouldn't bump into each other in the corridor anymore, either. He didn't know if he could hold himself back if it happened.

  


***

  


Benni stepped inside their apartment again, wearing an apologetic smile in advance. He had never before disappeared like that. He could only hope that Manu wasn't too mad at him.

His fears seemed to be groundless. The kitchen was in the same state that he had left it with, the only change was that Manu had eaten the food he had prepared. All of it, not bothering to leave Benni a single bite. And Manu himself was still perched up in front of the PlayStation, seemingly oblivious to the fact that Benni had been away for four hours.

”Did you bring any milk?” Manu asked without even lifting his gaze from the screen.

Benni pinched the bridge of his nose. Four hours of bliss, all shattered the minute he got back home. Maybe he would go see Mats again sometime.

Not bothering to answer anything to Manu, Benni walked straight to their bedroom and got himself ready for sleep. He curled into a little, tight ball, as close to the edge as possible so when Manu would finally decide to come to sleep, there would be as large a gap between them as possible. Sleep didn't come for him for hours, though.


	2. The penthouse

Benni's visits to Mats grew ever more frequent. It wasn't intentional, at least not at first, but somehow Benni seemed to bump into him on a regular basis. Going for a run or a walk was a proven method for Benni to cool his boiling emotions down after a fight. More often than not Mats was lounging on their back yard when Benni went out, like he was waiting for him there.

From there things quickly progressed to the situation where Benni would just look from the window before leaving if Mats was anywhere outside to be seen. If not, he climbed the three floors up straight away. Manu had no clue.

They hadn't done anything that could be interpreted as cheating, yet their thing was far from pure friendship too. Their touches lingered way past the point of platonic, their eyes rested on places where amicable gazes didn't go and the word 'innocent' wouldn't be a very accurate description of their conversations.

Right now Benni was coming from work and on a whim pushed the number eight on the elevator. They hadn't been fighting with Manu, but he knew he would enjoy himself more at Mats' place. It would be clean, there would be great food and there would be far, far more pleasing company, a person who would actually be happy to see him.

Mats didn't disappoint. His face spread into an irrepressible smile as soon as he saw Benni standing behind his door and he pulled him in to a tight hug.

”How was work, honey bunny?” Mats asked, pulling Benni inside, helping him out of his jacket.

”The same boring shit as every day, pumpkin,” Benni hummed.

Mats grinned, clearly impressed. He leaned closer to Benni.

”And what do you say, honey bunny, if we go to have some dinner together? Get your mind off from boring things,” Mats purred with a sweet voice.

”I don't know Pumpkin, is 'dinner' a metaphor for quarter pounder with cheese?” Benni reclined against the wall, folded his arms across his chest.

”Of course not, silly. It's royale with cheese.”

”Yeah,” Benni snorted, ”cause we have the metric system.”

”Check out the big brain on Benni!” Mats smiled fondly, tapped Benni on the forehead with his index finger.

Once again, Benni was captivated by these simple gestures, by the mere presence of Mats. He didn't remember how dull his life was, or how he had a boyfriend.

They did have dinner together, something more appealing than hamburgers and then moved on to the couch to begin their routine of ambiguous talks and almost-cuddling. It was all going great, until someone knocked on the door.

Benni suppressed a sigh. He was pretty sure who was coming to pay a visit to Mats. And sure enough, three of Mats' friends stepped inside, Kevin, Lewy and Neven. They visited frequently, as did a lot of other people too that Mats called friends. Benni wasn't too fond of them, he preferred to spend time alone with Mats. The feeling seemed to be mutual. None of them were decidedly rude towards Benni, especially not when Mats was within earshot, mostly they just acted like he didn't exist at all.

Kevin wasn't so bad, he sometimes even spoke to Benni, but Lewy was the worst. He didn't try to hide the resentment he felt towards Benni. Today was no exception. As soon as the man laid eyes on Benni, he developed a deep frown and turned his piercing eyes to Mats. Without any words, he dragged Mats to the kitchen. The precaution was rather pointless, as he spoke loud enough for Benni to hear.

”What is he doing here again, Hummels?”

”Well excuse me, Lewandowski, I didn't know I had to ask for your permission to invite people over to _my_ home.”

”You used to think a lot less with your dick. He's clueless, he has no idea about –”

That's all Benni could hear. Kevin had turned on the tv and was turning the volume up as well, loud enough to muffle the sounds of the fight going on in the kitchen. Benni didn't know if Kevin had done that to spare his feelings or to let Mats and Lewy have a private conversation. Or if he just wanted to watch some tv. Benni wouldn't put that past Kevin. 

Kevin didn't say anything, so Benni stayed quiet too. He lifted his legs on to couch too, hugged them to his chest. He didn't know what he had done to deserve this kind of treatment from all of Mats' friends. Mats never told him. Mats didn't told him a lot of things. He really was kind of clueless like Lewy had said, but none of it seemed to matter when it was just him and Mats. The whole outside world just ceased to exist when the two of them were wrapped up together in their private little bubble. There was no Manu, there was no Mats' gang. Things like what Mats did for a living were unimportant. It was just Benni and Mats and the fact that they liked each other, that they enjoyed each other's company more than anything.

All that happy ignorance shattered to pieces once someone else entered their presence too. Benni sighed, got up from the couch. Sometimes he would stay even when the people came along, because no matter how bad opinions his friends had about him, Mats always treated him well, but today he didn't have the energy for that.

”Tell Mats that I had to go, will you?”

Kevin, immersed in the tv show, made some noise that Benni took as affirmative.

  


***

  
”He left!” Kevin yelled from the living room.

Mats ceased to yell at Lewy for a second and galloped to the room, that now only occupied Kevin and Neven. He got twice as angry as before.

”You see what you did, you fucking idiot?"

”All the better, now you can maybe actually focus on something else than his ass! I don't even get what you see in him, you used to have fucking _standards_.”

”Are you here on Marco's behalf? It's none of his damn business whose ass I'm staring!” Mats took the defensive, crossing his arms and keeping a hostile gaze on Lewy. Lewy had a matching angry look on his face and he was about to yell something back, when Neven spoke, in a more diplomatic way.

”No, it's not Marco's business, but it's very much Beckham and Rooney's business if you start slacking on your duties, Mats.”

The mentioning of the two names calmed Mats down notably. He took a deep breath, relaxed his tense body, shifted his eyes from Lewy to Neven.

”I haven't been slacking on my duties. The plans are progressing on the pace they are supposed to. The mission hasn't been compromised.”

”Make sure it stays that way, or all of our asses are on the line. And not just for the pretty sight it makes.” Neven turned back to the tv. For his part, this conversation was dealt with.

Lewy, with a final scowl, tried to escape to the couch as well, but Mats wasn't done with him just yet. He took a tight grip of the Pole's shirt, stepped right in front of him and looked at him straight in his eyes.

”And you, mister. You better watch it. If Marco so much as gets a sniff about Benni, you'll be a fucking grease spot after that.”

  


***

  
Things between Manu and Benni had been okay lately. Not perfect, not great, but okay. They hadn't had a fight, not even a minor row for ages. There wasn't a lot of other interactions between them either, but still. Mats took Benni's pent up frustration and anger away so well, that when ever Benni had complaints about Manu's behaviour, they could talk about it like civilized adults. Usually Benni didn't even have complaints, he didn't spend enough time at home to get bothered about anything.

It was all the famous calm before the storm.

Benni had had to do longer days at work, effectively cutting down his allocated Mats time and building up his annoyance. He got home, ready to just die from exhaustion, ready to dive in to the couch, plunge into a big bowl of ice cream and immerse himself in Netflix. His plan started well, they still had his favourite ice cream left, but it all went downhill from there. 

Benni stopped on his tracks on the doorway to the living room, his eyes fixed on a horrible, horrible black stain on his beautiful, beautiful white couch.

”Manu, what the fuck is this?” 

Manu languidly walked down from the bedroom, took a quick glance at where Benni was staring.

”Oh, that, I spilled some coke.”

”And you didn't think to _clean_ it?” Benni yelled, terrified.

Manu shrugged. ”I didn't know if it needs some special stuff to get it off.”

”So you just decided you wouldn't do _anything_ to it?”

”I tapped it with paper towels. I figured you'd know better what to do with the rest of it.”

Benni felt like pulling his hair, stomping his foot, throwing a tantrum not unlike the kids whose parents denied them candies on weekdays. His couch. His beautiful, soft, freaking ass expensive couch.

”You, you –”

”It's just a stain, Benni,” Manu tried to calm him.

Benni just screamed, unable to form any words. He threw the ice cream on the couch as well and run out of the apartment, before Manu could say any more dismissive statements. _Only a stain._ Stupid Manu for still thinking that he lived with his mom. Stupid Benni for insisting on having a white couch. Stupid everything for being so difficult.

Benni was too angry to actually bother and go out to search for Mats. He walked straight to the eight floor, ready to fume out at Mats, ready to wait for Mats to make it all better again, in the way only he knew how.

Mats took his time to open the door and once he did, he only cracked it slightly, preventing Benni from seeing further in to the apartment. He could still hear though that there were a lot of people there. Mats' face lacked the usual bright smile.

”Oh, sorry, didn't know you had company.” 

”Did you have something on your mind?” Mats asked, a bit irritated maybe?

”You know, the usual,” Benni grimaced, tried to laugh it off a little. Suddenly a coke stain on his couch didn't seem too important. 

”My hands are tied up right now, but you can come back later if you want to?”

”No, it's okay, really,” Benni shrugged, was ready to turn back already, but Mats got a hold of his shoulder before he could.

”No, no, don't be silly. Here, put your number in and I can call you when these guys leave. You can come by then.” 

Mats dug out his phone from his pocket, gave it to Benni. Benni was too dumbfound to do anything else than add his number on it. Mats smiled and slipped inside again, making sure to open the door as little as possible, but Benni could still see some men sitting on the living room, mostly Mats' circle of friends but there were also few men he didn't know.

”Cheer up, darling. I'll see you in couple of hours.” Mats leaned in to give Benni a quick peck on the cheek, then retreated and all put slammed the door on Benni's face. 

Benni was left standing in the corridor by himself, baffled. He didn't even realise how weird, not to mention rude Mats' behaviour had been. He had always been allowed to see Mats' friends before. Mats had always treated him with the utmost respect. None of these things registered very well though, as there was a far more demanding thought getting all the attention.

Mats had just kissed him.

Granted, it was on the cheek, but still. Benni had to touch the spot to be certain. And yes, it was slightly damp. Benni lifted his fingers in front of his eyes, as if he could visibly see the remains of the kiss on them.

Benni had to be a bit stupid if he didn't know what was going on with Mats and his constant longing to be with him, especially after every time he and Manu had had a fight. Of course he had a crush on Mats. And who could blame him, Mats was everything Manu was not. Charming, considering, eloquent, handsome as hell too. And Benni had to be even more stupid if he didn't understand that Mats was flirting with him. It was just that he didn't know _why_ Mats was flirting with him, if it was just something that Mats did to cheer him up, if it was Mats' nature to be flirty with everyone, if it was something he did as a hobby, to amuse himself, because undoubtedly watching a blushing Benni try to come up with good counters on his banters was entertaining. 

But now, Mats had asked for his number, kissed him. Mats was a very touchy-feely guy, easy on his grand declarations of positive emotions and affection, but he had never gone as far as kissing him, not on any of his body parts. Maybe Mats hung out on the yard so much, just so that he could bump into Benni and ask him to come over, because he genuinely liked to spend time with Benni? Maybe Mats flirted with him, because he would have liked for things to progress between them?

There was only one way to find out.

  


***

  
Mats opened the door right after Benni had pressed the doorbell. He had changed his clothes from earlier, to more casual ones but still sharp enough to make Benni feel undressed. He was smiling warmly, inviting Benni in, pressing his palm on the small of Benni's back the second he stepped over the threshold.

”I really don't want to be any trouble, Mats, it's late already and –” Benni meekly attempted for nonchalance. 

”Nonsense, honey bunny. You're never of trouble,” Mats dismissed him instantly. ”I'm sorry that the guys stayed so late, but I made them save a little something for you to eat too.”

'Little something' was a gross understatement on Benni's mind. The coffee table on the living room was filled with food, there were bowls of sweet and savory pastries, various kinds of fruits and berries, even a cake. None of it look like it had even been touched. There were candles lit up too, giving soft and warm lighting, creating flickering shadows on Mats' face. On Mats' face, that was now very, very close to Benni's. They sat on the couch, practically on each other's laps. Soft, slow-tempoed music was playing on the background, lulling them to a comfortable bubble.

”So what was on your mind, darling?” Mats gave him a cupcake.

”Oh, nothing special. Just wanted to talk, you know,” Benni shrugged, took a bite of the cupcake.

”Hmm. I just spent hours talking with my business partners, and would rather do something much more pleasing with you.” Mats scooped off the frosting from Benni's upper lip with his finger.

Benni gulped. ”L-like?”

”I don't know, just enjoy the night, the great company, have some wine,” Mats listed casually, liking the frosting from his finger.

One would have to be blind not the see where this was going. Benni decided to just suck it, be the brave one for once. He smeared the cupcake on Mats' face, made sure as much of the frosting as possible hit his lips.

”Oops.”

Mats looked taken aback, surprised, but he didn't complain when Benni leaned in and slowly licked away all the frosting. No, he simply parted his lips to let Benni's tongue slip inside his mouth as well.

Benni spent a very enjoyable evening with Mats and cupcakes. They didn't go further than kissing, but it was enough to make Benni feel on top of the world, enough to make him have a little skip on his step, enough to make him grin like a fool. Enough to make him forget that he had left his and Manu's apartment in a rather unfriendly way.

It all came back to him very soon though. Manu was waiting for him in the hallway, looking remorseful.

”I'm sorry, Benni. I went to buy some stain removal and washed the cushion. It didn't all come off, but I searched from the internet that we can like bleach it or something? Or I can buy a new couch, it was totally my fault, I ruined the old one.”

Benni sighed, closed his eyes, pursed his lips. ”It's not about the couch, Manu, ” was all he managed to say, after a brief pause.

Manu took a tentative step closer to Benni. ”I know. I'm sorry Benni, I've been horrible. I'm just not used to the standard of tidiness that you like but I'll change, I promise. I love you.” 

Benni wanted to bury his head in his hands. Sure, now Manu declared love for him. Right after he had been snogging his lungs out with another man. Now, when he could still taste Mats on his tongue. Now, when he would probably smell all wrong if Manu came close enough to smell him.

Benni stood still for a long while, hands on his hips, looking away from Manu, with a restrained look on his face. Manu stood still too, nervously, waiting for Benni to react.

”I love you too, Manu.” 

And Benni really did, no lie.

”But that's not always enough. We have a life together now, we need to co-operate to make it work.”

Without Mats, Benni probably would have jumped into Manu's arms, pulled him into bed and postponed this conversation to morning. Because he did love Manu. There was a reason why they had moved in together so soon, they were crazy for each other. 

Manu cautiously approached Benni, gave him a tight hug. ”I know, Benni. I promise to start working more here.”

After a brief discussion and hugging scene they retreated to bed together. Manu tugged Benni under his arm and fell asleep quickly but Benni lied awake, thinking about the mess that he had created. On one hand, he was so far gone for Mats. Mats treated him wonderfully, he was a remarkable person, kissing him had been out of this world. On second hand, he loved Manu. He had planned to spend the rest of his life with him. Yes, they had their difficulties, but what if Manu now really did improve his habits?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just watched Pulp Fiction again. Couldn't resist.


	3. The bedroom

”Klaas, can I ask you a question?”

”Sure, what is it?”

Benni had been contemplating about his problem of Manu and Mats for days, to the point where nothing made sense anymore. He had been mentally listing their pros and cons, tried to reason whom would make a better life partner in the long run, had rated their various lovemaking skills and also, tiny bit, tried to figure out what would be the morally right thing to do in a situation like this. It was all messing up his head, he needed some outside consultation.

He hadn't told any of his friends about Mats, haven't even been too vocal about problems at home, though he was sure that at least some of his most close friends had a vague idea that not everything between them was perfect. 

Now he was seeking the advice of his colleague Klaas-Jan, a man he knew to be an expert in matters of the heart, but he needed to be sneaky about it, so he wouldn't suspect anything. Klaas didn't know Manu that well, had only seen him a couple of times, but still. Benni didn't want his friend, whom he respected a lot, to judge him.

”Yeah, I have this, friend. Uh... she has a boyfriend, that she loves, but is having a little difficulties with. Then she also has this, this, _thing_ with another guy, she likes him and is pretty sure that the guy likes her back, but there are some issues as well. Basically she just doesn't know which one she should pick.”

”U-huh,” Klaas eyed at Benni with a knowing look on his face. ”And what did you tell her she should do?”

”Well... I told her that she shouldn't immediately dump the boyfriend, cause they do have good times too, and he's trying to improve his habits, but then maybe she could, at the same time, see if there's more to it with the other guy.” 

Benni fiddled with his hands and Klaas looked at him, silent, for a long time.

”So the boyfriend is just there if things don't go well with the affair? He's a back-up plan?” Klaas shot up an eyebrow and Benni effectively turned red under the scolding gaze.

”Well, yeah, I didn't think it like that...” Benni thought he had considered every aspect of his dilemma, but turns out he had completely forgotten to think about anyone else than me me me.

”You say she loves him, but is that really love? Or is that just fear of being alone?” Klaas said with a little more empathy in his voice.

Benni didn't dare to lift his gaze from his hands. 

”Benni. Look at me. These things happen. It's not nice, but they happen. The best thing you can do, for all of your sake, is let Manu go. You loved him once, maybe you still do at some level, but you can ask yourself if you love him enough if you still fall for other guys at the same time too. Even if you don't do anything about the other guy now, there's probably going to be other similar situations in the future if you're not completely happy with Manu.” Klaas was speaking in a very friendly, calm, assuring way, like to a wounded wild animal that he tried to approach in order to help it. Klaas wasn't judging him, wasn't trying to make him feel bad because what he had done to Manu. Benni still felt the need to defend himself though, to reason his actions.

”But what if –”

”And the most important thing you need to do, is start loving yourself.” Klaas interrupted him, with a little more stern and serious tone. This was something very important, that he really hoped that Benni would listen. ”Start valuing yourself as you, as Benni, as a singular person. Not as part of a relationship, part of _Benni and Mr. X_.”

 

Klaas' advice was valuable, but not something that Benni could start act upon immediately. Manu had started making effort for the better, and Benni appreciated it. When he could put their differences aside, the old Manu, the one that Benni had fallen in love with was still there and Benni enjoyed his company.

Mats had his down sides too, for sure. Benni knew practically nothing about him, and Mats wasn't keen on telling him. He was very over the top with his affection, both physically and verbally, and most days Benni loved it. Then there were the days when he couldn't help but think that maybe Mats was just pulling a prank on him. His friends didn't actually make it easier for Benni either.

And no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't believe that he could be happy on his own. It was either Manu or Mats, with the good and the bad. Benni without the Mr. X was not an option.  


***

  
Mats was in the middle of listing all the things that failed to compare in beauty to Benni's eyes, the remains of their dinner still on the table between them. Benni was resting his chin on his palm, a dreamy look on his face. Neither of them had felt like rising up and cleaning. They had just sat there, looking at each other, for what felt like hours, definitely a lot longer than they usually did.

Suddenly they were brought back to this world by a noise from the door. Someone was opening it, with a key.

Benni already thought it was beyond weird that Mats' friends always knocked instead of using the buzzer, but now someone had a key to this place as well? To add to the puzzlement, it was someone that Benni had never seen before, some ragged looking kid.

”Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Hummels, I didn't know you'd still be up. I can come back later.” Despite his edgy looks, completed with black eyeliner, spiky faux-hawk and ripped jeans, the boy acted very timid in front of Mats, keeping his eyes on his shoes, speaking with a very low voice, picking the studs from his belt.

”I told you, Erik, to cut this Mr. Hummels nonsense,” Mats said with a seemingly calm and nonchalant voice, dabbing his mouth with the handkerchief, but Benni could have sworn he was a bit irritated too. ”And there's no need for you to leave anymore at this point. Come have dinner with us.”

The kid, Erik, looked like he would rather do anything else, but after hesitating for a few seconds, did as told.

”Benni, this is Erik Durm, a friend of mine. He's having a bit of a rough time at home, so he's staying with me for a while,” Mats said, not looking at Benni, but fetching a plate for Erik. Benni's confusion levels rose beyond comprehension. What?

”Erik, this is the Benedikt I told you about.” Mats returned to the table, started giving Erik food like a parent to their child, still avoiding Benni's eyes.

”Nice to meet you, Mr. Höwedes,” the boy said to the table.

”Uh, nice to meet you too, Erik.” Benni looked helplessly at Mats. What was he supposed to do? His social skills repertoire didn't cover a situation where his sort-of-a-paramour revealed he had a secret roommate ten years younger than himself, who looked like he belonged to a reformatory instead of a penthouse, and who called him _Mr. Höwedes_.

Fortunately Mats seemed to understand at least some of his apprehension.

”Erik's been staying here for little over a week now, but he's been out with his other friends while you've been here, to give us some privacy.”

”Oh. That's, very nice of you.” Benni had a feeling the words were meant more for Erik than himself, but answered them anyway. Erik just grunted, kept eating his food.

”Isn't it,” Mats agreed. ”And he'll probably go to his room again once he has eaten and give us the living room.” 

Erik nodded.

The room fell to an awkward silence, Erik trying to eat as fast as possible, Benni looking at him with a perplexed expression, Mats sipping his wine, trying to avoid both men at the table around him. As soon as Erik cleared his plate, he muttered a silent thank you, scraped the chair at the floor while he rose and hurried off towards the guest bedroom. Both of the older men watched him go, not daring to speak until they heard the distinctive 'bang' of the door being shut with force.

”How _old_ is he?” Benni had a million questions buzzing in his mind, all screaming for attention, but this was the first one that found its way out of his mouth. 

”He's older than he looks. He's just got a very questionable taste in clothing.” Mats started to clear the table, still looking anything but Benni.

”U-huh. And why does he live with you?”

”I told you, his going through a rough patch, I thought I'd help him.” 

”Mm. Were you going to tell me he was staying here?” 

Mats sighed, furrowed his brows slightly. ”If there ever came a situation that you needed to know, then yes.”

Benni wanted to furrow his brows too. Yes, this was Mats' apartment and he was entitled to do there what ever he wanted, and he was not responsible for telling Benni about all his actions but still, Benni felt that this was information he had a right to know. Wanted to know, at least.

”Will he be staying here for long?”

”I don't know, but let's talk about something more interesting than Erik, shall we honey bunny? I bought your favourite ice cream and there's a full moon tonight, I'm sure the view from the balcony will be lovely.”

Benni fell silent for a while. He didn't believe for a second the bullshit that Mats was feeding him, that Erik was just some friend that Mats was helping purely because of the goodness of his heart.

Benni could sulk, but he already knew that it would get him nowhere with Mats. He could press the Erik matter further, but he knew he wouldn't get any concrete answers. Keeping the issue alive would just irritate the both of them more, both parties of the argument knowing full well that it wouldn't lead on to anything.

So really, Benni's only reasonable choice of action was to take the offered change of subject and enjoy the rest of the evening. Kissing in the moonlight sounded like fun.

”Do you have those chocolate chips as well?”

Mats smiled, genuinely this time.

”Of course, honey bunny.”  


***

  
The tempting smell of something cooking greeted Benni when he opened the door to his apartment. Something good, something Italian. This was definitely not a smell he was used to in his own home. Benni walked further in, a bit apprehensive.

Manu was in the kitchen, in the middle of lighting candles to a set dinner table, packed with a big bowl of pasta carbonara, fresh salad sided with tiny crumbles of mozzarella and bright red cherry tomatoes, and an open bottle of red wine. The bruschettas were still in the oven. It wasn't anything extremely fancy, but they were all Benni's favourites, all clearly made in the sole purpose of pleasing Benni.

Benni took in the sight with eyes as big as saucers, mouth slightly open. Manu hummed, came to plant a kiss on Benni's cheek, took the bruschettas out of the oven. 

”What do you think, love?”

Honestly, all Benni could think of was _not now_. On every other day Benni would have gladly taken a surprise dinner from Manu, but not today. They had had a heated discussion with Mats yesterday, about which Kill Bill was the best, and had agreed to watch both of them today. Erik had promised to stay out of the way. Benni had been looking forward to it the whole day.

”Uh, it's really nice, Manu. Really. But I'm not that hungry right now, I think I'll go for a run first,” Benni tried to recline politely.

”What? You're going for a run, when I went through so much trouble to make you dinner?”

Benni nodded.

”What is going on, Benni? You've hardly been home lately, and you're the one who said we needed to spend more time together, work through our differences. I've been trying, really hard, and you haven't even noticed!” Manu raised his voice a little.

”Oh yeah, you make dinner once a year, that's such a major improvement!” Benni knew Manu had a point, but he didn't like being yelled at. At all.

”You haven't been home to make dinner either! Where the fuck do you go all the time?”

”I just need time for myself, to think about all this.” Benni waved his hands around, screaming even more. Manu, on his part, quieted down and continued with a voice laid with hurt, so much pain that it made Benni's heart break.

”What happened to the part where we needed to be a couple, do things together? That's quite difficult when you're not home.”

Suddenly, Benni remembered Klaas' words again. This wasn't right for Manu, not in the least. He made Benni surprise dinner, for god sake, and all Benni wanted was to go at Mats' and keep Manu waiting in case things didn't go well with him. Benni had been a major dick.

Benni sighed, leaned back on the kitchen counter, folder his arms and looked at Manu, sorrow in his eyes.

”I'm sorry, Manu. I've, I've been seeing someone else.” Benni had difficulties admitting it. The further he advanced in his confession, the softer his voice got, reducing to a small whisper by the time he finished.

”You _what?!_ ”

Benni ran a hand across his face. ”I've been seeing someone.”

Benni watched a turmoil of emotions changing on Manu's face. There was shock, denial, anger, sorrow, and some weird mix of them all finally set on his eyes, when he turned his cutting gaze on Benni again.

”Who is it?”

”It's not important –”

”Who is it?! Is it that Dutch guy from your work?”

”What, no! He's married, he has kids!”

”Ha, like that would stop you.”

Benni gritted his teeth, bit his tongue in order to not say anything poisonous back. He tried to make himself remember that he deserved this, kind of.

”It's no one that you know,” he finally said, as calm as he could. But Manu wasn't done with the interrogation yet.

”How long has is it been going on?”

”I don't know –”

”How. Long. Benni. How long have you been fucking someone else?”

”I haven't been fucking anyone!” That's it. Benni had had enough. He might have questionable morals, but he wasn't _that_ horrible a person. Besides, it wasn't only his fault.

”Well look at Saint Benedikt here. He's only kissing and cuddling with another men while his poor boyfriend is waiting for him to come home, ready to fulfill his duties as the one who's allowed to fuck him.”

”I wouldn't be on such a high horse if I were you Manu, you've been treating me like shit the whole time we've lived together!”

”Oh, so now it's _my_ fault that you've been cheating on me? I just forced you to do that?”

”I'm just saying that there's a reason for it why I felt the need to seek new company.”

The kitchen fell into a pressing silence again, both men sending murderous glances at each other, panting like after a physical exercise, clenching their fists and biting their lips in order to not do something extremely stupid. Manu was the first one to speak again.

”Well you can go and fuck him now cause you don't have a boyfriend anymore to stop you.”

”Maybe I will.”

”Fine.”

”Fine!”

Benni marched out, angry as hell, refusing to shed the tears he felt forming in his eyes. He climbed to Mats' floor as quickly as possible, taking three steps at a time, kept hitting the door until Mats came to open it and downright attacked Mats' lips the moment he saw them.

Mats let out a muffled yelp of surprise, but let Benni push him all the way to the living room and on to the couch, taking in the desperate and fervent kisses without complaints. Not until Benni stopped for a while to take a breath did Mats speak.

”What's all this, honey bunny?” Mats asked tenderly, petting Benni's hair. Benni didn't say anything, just tried to continue with the kissing. Mats didn't let him, but took Benni's face between his hands, gently forced him to look him in the eyes.

”No, Benni, what's wrong?”

”Nothing's wrong.”

”I can see that something's bothering you. You can talk to me.” Mats kept one of his hands on Benni's face, gently rubbing the cheek with his thumb and lifted the other one to hug Benni's body as close to his own as possible.

Benni clenched Mats' shirt on his fist, leaned his forehead on Mats' chest and crunched his face to stop himself from crying.

”I don't want to talk.”

”Do you want to watch the Kill Bills? It would probably take your mind off of it.”

Benni shook his head, furiously.

”I want you to fuck me.”

Mats stopped all his movements for a fraction of a second, but then continued as nothing out of the ordinary had happened. He rose from the couch, pulled Benni up with him and started leading him to the bedroom, not saying a word.

The sex wasn't particularly passionate, what with Benni mostly trying to not think about anything and Mats being a little wary about his actions. He proceeded slowly, cautiously, not completely sure if Benni really was up for it, trying to make it a pleasant experience for Benni once it became positive that he wouldn't object.

It was good nonetheless, enjoyable for the both of them, something that finally did manage to take their thoughts off from the moments before, merely concentrate on the pleasant feelings that lean bodies, brushing hands, soft kisses and erect cocks brought to them.

 

The next morning Benni woke up feeling a bit disoriented, a darker hand around him that he was used to, a scratch of stubble to his neck that he hadn't felt before. When he turned around to see Mats lying awake next to him, he broke into a smallest of smiles. Mats smiled back, reached up to kiss Benni's temple.

”Care to tell me now what was troubling you, darling?”

Benni sighed, turned away again, looked at the bright blue sky outside, pressed himself closer to the warm, strong, comfortable body behind him.

”I think I broke up yesterday.”

”Hmm, good.”


	4. The movie theatre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, here we go! The story is now set (yes, it only took three chapters :D) and the excitement can begin! We start right away by revealing some minor details about Mats. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Benni saw the spiky hair-do of Erik peeking behind the yard bench already from the street. Benni suppressed a sigh, tried to take a friendly smile on his face. It wasn't Erik's fault that they were in this situation.

”Hi, Erik.”

”Hi, Benedikt.” As much as Benni had tried, Erik still refused to call him Benni. He thought he should consider him lucky, though, at least he wasn't 'Mr. Höwedes' anymore.

”Want some dinner?”

”Yes, please.”

Benni would have preferred to go straight to Mats, but he had learned already what it meant if Erik was waiting for him. The traffic on Mats' apartment had increased immensely, and often Mats had to kick Benni out. At times when Benni wasn't welcome, Kevin would come to pay him a visit, or Erik, like today, would wait for him outside. Benni didn't know why he wasn't allowed to see whoever visited Mats at those times, and he hated that he was so clearly shut down from this one part of Mats' life, but he was well past the questioning age. It was best for all parties involved if he just let it slide, acted like nothing was amiss, like he really believed Mats when he said that he didn't want to bother Benni with the presence of his boring business-partners.

He hated that he had to sit at his home, with his personal bodyguards and with Manu, the slob he was, who still hadn't started the process of finding a new place for himself. Benni had refused to move out himself, because living in the same building as Mats was just too convenient, but obviously reasoning to Manu with different arguments, something about the location and easy commute to work and so on. Naturally things were a bit heated on the fifth floor, so Benni opted to stay at Mats' as often as Mats allowed him to.

Erik and Benni made their way in to the building and the elevator. Benni regarded his company from the corner of his eye. Erik was a confusing person. Judging only by his looks, Benni would have thought him to be some annoying snotnose, full of f-word embroidered insults and passionate hate towards the world, but he was anything but. He didn't talk much, but Benni had a feeling it had nothing to do with shyness. He still mostly referred to Mats as 'Mr. Hummels' and was always polite with his words. He seemed to hate these babysitting duties as much as Benni did, but he didn't resent Benni as some of Mats' other friends did. The hate was presented towards something else, the silence was just fear of saying something he was not supposed to say. Benni felt a weird, brotherly affection towards this troubled kid and couldn't help but wonder what on earth his business was with Mats.  


  


***

  
Benni, Manu and Erik were in the middle of watching some tv, on the couch that now in addition to coke and ice cream stains also contained a suspiciously large splotch of red wine, all very reserved and quiet, when Erik suddenly informed that they could leave now. Benni was amazed by how he always seemed to know that. He didn't get any messages to his phone that Benni saw, and the time was always something random too. He didn't care too much though, he was just happy that he could finally leave this tense and unfriendly atmosphere that was his home and go to the soothing arms of Mats.

Mats was always extra affectionate after these incidents. He didn't verbally say he was sorry, let alone explain his actions, but he made sure that Benni felt appreciated and not left behind, like a second class citizen, a toy that had been tossed to the closet after its owner got bored. 

And sure enough, Mats seized him in to a crushing hug right from the front door.

”Benni, honey bunny! I'm so glad you're here, I couldn't have gone a second more without seeing you. You have no idea how boring the meeting was, I just thought about you the whole time.”

Mats gave him a big, wet kiss for emphasis and Benni giggled. So what if he forgave Mats too easily. It was his right as a lovesick fool.

”Thank you, Erik, for taking care of him for me. I can't even imagine how horrible it must be for my dear Benni to be left alone with that brute.”

Erik muttered something about Mr. Hummels, but Mats wasn't even paying attention.

”You can have the apartment for rest of the nigh, Erik. I'm taking Benni to the movies.”

”You are?” Benni exclaimed, delighted, his hate towards anything and everything already forgotten.

”I most certainly am, honey bunny.”

Now that Erik was living with Mats and Benni didn't have to keep Mats a secret from Manu anymore, they spent a lot more time out of the apartment, on actual, proper dates. Benni was thrilled by the places Mats took him to, little secluded restaurants that Benni hadn't even known existed, old-fashioned clubs with live music, romantic walks around the lake to feed the ducks and so on, but his absolute favourite was the indie movie theatre that showed hidden classics, Mats' favourite by his own words, instead of the modern blockbusters. Benni hadn't even heard about half of the movies they went to see, but he had loved them all nonetheless. 

And the nights, those they spent in the comforting warmness of Mats' bed. Benni was looking very forward to that too.  


  


***

  
Benni loved the weekend mornings. He could stay in bed for however long he wanted, no need to rush in to anywhere, just snuggle to the warm blankets and enjoy the languid feeling that took over his whole body. Mats wasn't as much of a person to only lie down doing nothing, which was a shame, really. Staying in bed the whole day was double the fun with two people. Benni could feel that Mats was ready to escape again, so he tried to hold on to him just a bit tighter, capture him into a body lock, and mumbled something incomprehensible. Mats laughed at his attempts, delighted.

”Honey bunny, you gotta let me go if you want to have breakfast. We can maybe have it in here, if you don't feel like getting up just yet.”

Now breakfast, in bed, yeah. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing after all that Mats needed to have something to do. Benni cracked one eye open.

”Will you make me blueberry pancakes too, pumpkin?”

”Blueberry pancakes?” Mats let out a little laugh. ”You want a pot belly, then?”

”Mm, I hear they're sexy,” Benni closed his eyes again, smiled like a fool.

”Well, I quite prefer your abs, if I'm allowed to say,” Mats grinned coyly and dived in under the blanket, to lay fluttering kisses on Benni's stomach, kisses that made Benni tickle and squeal and feel all fuzzy inside.

While Benni tried to recover from the attack, Mats escaped from the bed. He put on his underwear and left like that to the kitchen, but not without forgetting to give Benni his kiss goodbye. Benni stayed on the bed, half asleep and half awake, feeling calm and happy, almost delirious. He adored the way Mats indulged him. He couldn't believe how his life had turned around to be so amazing, when just a little while back it was so miserable and depressing and dull.

Through the closed bedroom door Benni could hear the distinctive sounds of Mats rummaging in the kitchen, singing softly along the music he had put on, could smell the coffee brewing. Mats was an excellent cook and Benni's mouth watered from just thinking about the breakfast he was about to have, the granola muffins, the sliced up fruits that they could feed each other, the blueberry pancakes too, if he was lucky and Mats had blueberries. And obviously the dessert that would follow, relaxed, slow, served from a toned body and seasoned with long kisses. 

Benni had probably lulled back to sleep again when Mats suddenly barged in, without the breakfast, looking a bit restless.

”Benni, darling, someone called that they are coming over soon. I need you to stay here in the bedroom while they're here, but I try to get rid of them as soon as possible.”

He didn't say anything else, just started dressing, putting on the same dark jeans he had worn yesterday on their date and fetched a new, clean and sharp button-up from the closet, in a color that Benni didn't like. He was out again before Benni could fully understand what was happening, left alone to stare at the closed door, baffled and sleepy. He did as told, however.

Couple of minutes later some man entered the apartment, Benni didn't recognize his voice. He was obviously having some very heated discussion with Mats, the both of them were using raised voices, but Benni couldn't make up the words. The clash only lasted for about ten minutes, the man leaving with a banging door and Mats returning to the bedroom with a big sigh.

Benni sat up, worried, not having seen Mats before in this a shaken mood.

”What was that?”

Mats made a painfully forced smile, averted his eyes from Benni. ”That was my husband.”

Benni could feel his jaw drop, but not a lot besides that registered to his short-circuited brain.

”You mean your ex-husband?” he finally managed to say, strained. Mats shook his head.

”You mean your _soon to be_ ex-husband?”

Mats shook his head again, remaining otherwise completely still and silent.

”Umm, okay.” Benni brushed his hand through his hair, shocked, not being certain of what he should do now. Mats seemed to be in a somewhat similar state, standing at the doorway, arms folded before his chest, biting his lip, looking at the floor.

”So what's this thing between you two, then?” Benni finally asked, sick and tired of the pressing atmosphere, not getting any answers from Mats.

Mats sucked in his breath. ”That's hardly your business.”

If possible, Benni got even more shocked from this answer than from the original revelation. It was like a bucket full of icy water thrown at a man already freezing. Yes, they hadn't given any labels to each other, hadn't have any talks about the thing between them, but Benni had very much assumed it to be more than just a casual fuck, had thought it to be something that would allow him to pry about the situation between Mats and his husband. He had very much assumed that their thing was something that married men didn't do.

”Excuse me?! Not my business?”

Mats still didn't say anything and Benni had had enough. He got up, started gathering his things and putting his clothes on, grunting and muttering something all the while. Mats remained frozen on his spot, not trying to stop him, not trying to explain himself. It got Benni twice as mad and he couldn't been happier to leave the doomed apartment and return to his own.

Benni didn't hear about Mats for the rest of the weekend, or the first following weekdays either, no matter how long he lingered on the corridor, secretly hoping to bump into him. He was not going to submit and go to his door however, he wasn't the one who had to apologise, be the initiative party to start clearing this mess. It was Mats and only Mats who had some explaining to do.  


  


***

  
It wasn't until Thursday that Mats finally was knocking Benni's door. Manu came to open it and eyed the visitor, holding a box of chocolates and wearing an outfit straight from the 50's, perfected with a grease-slicked hair.

”Good evening, you must be Manuel. Is there any chance that Benni might be home?” the man asked, smiling thinly, even bowing his head a bit.

”May I inquire who is asking?” Manu mocked the overly polite demeanor of the visitor. Benni had had a lot of guys visit him lately, all with questionable attires and manners, none of which Benni had cared to introduce to him too profoundly, but this particular one here Manu hadn't seen before. 

”I'm Mats.”

Manu scoffed. Trust it to Benni to fall for the biggest douchebag in the history of mankind.

”Benedikt, your rent boy is here!” Manu yelled and disappeared somewhere inside the apartment, not bothering to invite Mats in. Benni emerged a little while later, staring at Mats but not saying anything.

Mats cleared his throat, smiled a bit more openly. ”Hi, Benni.”

Benni granted him a ”Hi, Mats,” in return.

”I was wondering if you have anything to do today? I just made dinner and would love for you to join me. I bought your favourite chocolates too for dessert.” Mats handed the box over and Benni took it, hesitantly, studied it for a while before arching an eyebrow at Mats.

”Just dinner?”

If Benni hadn't known Mats to be a man that didn't do such things, he could have sworn he saw him blush slightly.

”I may have something in my mind that I wish to talk to you about, as well” 

Benni debated for a second, but decided to take Mats' offer. If nothing else, he would get a few hours away from the lovely presence of Manu and a nice dinner. And indeed, a perfectly roasted venison in a cranberry sauce was waiting for them when they got up at Mats', garnished with candles and fancy tablecloths and vintage wine.

They set out to eat and Mats held out a polite, if somewhat pointless conversation. They were almost done with their meal when he finally put his cutlery down, crossed his hands on the table and cleared his throat.

”So, about Marco.”

The change of subject was so sudden, that for a second Benni had difficulties to understand what Mats was talking about. He hadn't mentioned anything about any Marcos before. Only the uneasy look on Mats' face finally made Benni realise who that mysterious Marco was.

”We separated in a romantic sense a long time ago, there's nothing between us anymore, but I don't want to divorce him just yet because...” Mats took in a deep breath, effectively terrifying Benni in advance, ”because it might diminish my claims for our daughter's custody.”

Benni almost choked on his food. Mats grimaced and crouched into a smaller figure, almost apologetically.

”Biologically she's only Marco's, I've only adopted her, but I do love her like she's my own and wish to stay in her life. I'm not sure yet if I'm allowed to do that if I divorce her birth-father.”

Benni had never seen Mats so uneasy, kneading his hands and biting his lips and twitching restlessly. He was anything but the confident and calm man Benni had grown to know. 

Benni chewed on the information. It was the most intimate, personal thing he had ever learned about Mats. And he hadn't tried to lie about it, tried to change the subject, but told it bold and honestly. If you didn't count the keeping it a secret at first, that is. Mats probably meant it as a showcase of his trust and good intentions towards Benni, but he wasn't sure if he should take it like that.

Mats wasn't one to watch for long at Benni looking at him with pondering eyes, so he started talking about meaningless things again, offering him more food, trying to make the evening go back to normal. Benni took his efforts gracelessly, not wanting to focus on these news too intently right now.

After dinner Benni thanked Mats kindly, gave him a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call, but didn't stay for the night. In all honesty, he wasn't too sure about if he would make that call either.

What was he even thinking? Advancing with Manu too soon had destroyed their relationship and now he was moving on an even faster pace with Mats. With Mats, who had a husband and a daughter. Maybe he should just move to the mountains for few years, start meditating and all that to calm down a little.


	5. The mansion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Things will take the aforementioned gloomier turn starting from this chapter. I'll edit the tags tomorrow if you want to be sure what's happening beforehand, but all of you who want the element of surprise, enjoy :)

Benni could make all the promises in the world to himself about not seeing Mats anymore, but they were all futile in front of Mats' charm. It took him embarrassingly little time to forgive Mats about keeping his family a secret, but what was he supposed to do? Mats acted like he truly was sorry for keeping it from Benni. Even if he didn't verbally say it, he let it be known through his actions all the more clearly.

He started to open up more to Benni about other features of his life as well. There were some aspects that he clearly didn't want to elaborate on, such as his work, and Benni didn't press on those matters for the sake of restoring peace between them. Some areas, like his youth, Mats spoke very little of, vaguely, squirming uneasily, but still talking. 

Some things, like his daughter, Mats just couldn't shut up about. He told Benni all about her, from her favourite bedtime story to her endless love towards horses, from her wish to be a vet when she grew up to the fact how tiny her feet had been when she was a baby.

Benni appreciated it all immensely, because he could finally feel that he wasn't only a play thing to Mats, that maybe there was something more meaningful between them and he hadn't just imagined it all.

So when Mats invited him to a weekend holiday with him, to spend time just the two of them, relax, enjoy the quiet of the nature and fix all the little disputes between them, Benni didn't even consider replying anything else than yes.

It was all the better that their holiday would take place in the countryside, in a house that apparently Mats' family owned. Thus it would offer Benni even more glimpses of Mats, at least he hoped so.

 

Benni couldn't believe his eyes when the house finally appeared in front of him, after they had emerged from the dense forest surrounding it. Mats saw his face and chuckled at him.

”Yeah, it's a bit pompous, isn't it? Not really my style, but it's been in my family since ages.”

Pompous was definitely a one way to describe the place. Benni wasn't sure if the 'house in the countryside' or even a plain 'house', like Mats had called it before were just as accurate. To him it looked more like a castle, build from stone, sitting proudly in the middle of a lushious garden, having an entryway fit for a giant.

”And are your family like royals or something?” Benni asked, when he could finally pick his jaw from the floor.

”No, just rich,” Mats smirked.

”Just rich, okay, never mind then.”

Mats laughed even louder at his bashfulness. ”My great-great-grandfather or someone similar made a fortune with real estates back in the 14 hundreds or when ever and bought this place. It's pretty much all that is left of his heritage.”

Benni let out a silent breath. He was definitely getting the glimpses he wished for.

  


***

  
Their holiday got off to a wonderful start, consisting of great scenery, amazing food, lounging in a pool, warming before the fireplace and fooling around in bed. Benni didn't have a single care in his mind and Mats was very relaxed too, telling Benni about his childhood memories of the house. Benni listened with a permanent smile on his face.

It all came to a very abrupt end though already during the first night, when a bunch of people barged in, closer to two AM.

Mats had gone downstairs to investigate the noises, telling Benni to stay in the bedroom, but he had followed upon recognising at least Lewy's voice. He was tired and angry and didn't understand why Mats' friends had come here at this hour, especially when Mats had insisted on spending the whole weekend with Benni and only Benni, not even bothering to bring his laptop along, shutting down his phone and so on.

Benni got even more confused however, when he stopped behind the kitchen door to listen to the conversation going on. He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but the hushed, serious tones made him afraid to continue.

”He managed to escape, but he got hit during the process,” Benni heard Lewy say.

”Is it safe to call him?” Mats asked.

”I think so, he said no-one was trailing him when he informed us.”

Mats cursed under his breath and for a while it was completely silent. Benni almost stepped in to the kitchen already, when suddenly Mats started talking again.

”Erik? What's the situation? – No, you did great, it wasn't your fault. – No one's mad at you, you did just what you were supposed to. – Stay there, someone's coming to get you. – Stay strong, Erik, I'm proud of you.”

Mats threw the phone somewhere with a big clank and let out an angry sigh.

”Someone call Beckham and see if we really can fetch him, he's still deep in Lampard's territory.”

The eerie silence that followed frightened Benni enough to think that it really would be for the best if he went back upstairs and waited there like he was told to do.

It took some twenty minutes for Mats to follow him. He looked ten years older than half an hour ago when Benni had last seen him. Benni had fully planned on to inquire him about what was happening, but the hunched figure before him made him stop. Mats slumped on the bed and looked at Benni with sorrow in his eyes.

”Benni, darling, don't be mad but Neven is going to take you home now.”

”What? No, Mats, I don't want to go home!”

”I know, darling, but it's really for the best right now.” Mats took hold of Benni's hands, pulled them on his lap, drew small circles on them with his thumbs.

”Why, what's going on?”

Mats sighed, dropped his head.

”What about you?” Benni asked silently, gingerly, squeezing Mats' hands.

Mats turned his face back on to Benni's direction and looked at him sincerely. ”I will come get you as soon as I can. Will you just go with Neven, please? It would make me feel better knowing that you're safe.”

Benni didn't quite understand why he wouldn't be safe here with Mats, why he would be in danger _anywhere_ for that matter, but the uneasy look on Mats' face, his strained voice made him nod and start packing his things. Mats looked at him like he was an angel sent from above, hugged him way longer than was necessary, gave him a kiss full of emotions Benni wasn't sure he was ready to decipher.

They walked downstairs together, hand in hand and repeated their silent goodbyes in the hallway, in front of Neven. Mats made a pleading glance at Neven, who nodded back sternly, and Benni had a lurching feeling in his stomach that this was all very much more severe than he would have liked it to be.

The rest of the weekend didn't do anything to help with his anxiousness. Neven and him stayed at his apartment the whole time, Neven didn't allow him to leave anywhere, didn't let him use his phone, didn't even give him permission to open the curtains. They just sat on the once white couch, not even able to watch tv, because Manu had took it with him when he finally left.

Benni swore he was never going to buy anything white ever again.

  


***

  
Mats came behind Benni's door late on Sunday evening and Neven let him in. Mats walked straight in to the living room where Benni was waiting, took a hold of his wrist and pulled him in to the bedroom, not saying a word, only giving Neven a meaningful look. Mats didn't let the fact that he had never been inside of Benni's apartment hinder him, he walked in there like he had been living there for years. He collapsed straight to the bed, pulled Benni with him and wrapped his arms around him, hid his head on the crook of Benni's neck. He looked hideous, worn out and worried and weary.

For the longest while he didn't say anything, just lied there and breathed in the scent of Benni, let the warmness of Benni's body comfort him. Benni, not knowing what he should do or say, never meeting a vulnerable Mats before, just patted his back, smoothed his hair.

With what could have been a sniff, Mats finally lifted his head up, to rest on Benni's shoulder and looked at him, desperately. 

”You were alright here, honey bunny?”

”Yeah, of course,” Benni licked his lips apprehensively, ”but what about you?”

Mats leaned in, gave Benni a long and slow kiss, full of barely hidden ardent. His lips were chapped and tasted like too much coffee, but Benni reciprocated with loving passion, took in the low groans that Mats emitted. Mats didn't bother to move his lips away from Benni's even when they were done kissing.

”I am now.”

Mats fell asleep on Benni's arms and Benni held him tight throughout the night, soothing his back when he was twitching from nightmares, holding back the tears that threatened to shed by the heartbreaking whines he made. 

Mats needed him now and Benni was going to be there, despite not knowing what for.

  


***

  
After the incident at the house, Mats got back some of his old habits. He was very silent about what had happened, reverting back to his shell, and he didn't take Benni out on a dates anymore. They didn't spend time at Mats' home either though, but Mats practically moved in to Benni's apartment. He only left for his ever occurring meetings, where Kevin or Lewy or Neven came to pick him up. Benni also saw those two older men more often, the ones he had seen the first night he and Mats had kissed. He didn't however get even a peek of Erik.

Mats was weary, and grumpy, and had lost the playful shine from his eyes, and Benni had finally had enough of the silence and avoidance, when he once again asked about Erik and Mats shut down completely.

”Oh come on Mats, I know that something's going on, I'm not stupid!” he bellowed. Even that explosion didn't have a desired effect though, as Mats only snorted.

”What, you think I'm stupid?” Benni glared at Mats.

”No. You just don't know everything.”

”Yeah, and what might be the reason behind that! Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I want to know?”

At that, Mats got a bit more energy on him, sending Benni a fierce look and standing a bit more straight, so he was tall enough to tower over Benni.

”Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I don't want you to know? It wasn't hint enough that I didn't, let's see, tell you anything?”

Benni didn't back down from the challenge, instead he stepped even closer, confronted Mats eye to eye. ”And _why_ don't you want me to know?”

”Cause maybe I'm not everything you think I am. I don't want to lie to you Benni, not anymore, but I'm not ready to tell you the truth either.” As fast as it had started, Mats snapped out of his frenzy and hid his face in his hands. It confused Benni so much that he lost his anger too. Of course he had always known that Mats was keeping secrets from him, but he had not thought that it was eating him from inside this much.

”Mats,” Benni started tentatively, gently taking hold of Mats' shoulder, ”you can tell me, I'm not going to run away.”

Mats shook his head vigorously. ”You don't know what you're saying.”

”Of course I do. How bad it can even be?”

Mats emerged from behind his hands again, shook Benni's hand off from him. He took a step back and regarded Benni, from head to toe, with a turmoil of emotions flashing on his own face. Benni suddenly felt really small under such a scrutinising look.

”Erik died, Benni. That's how bad it can be.”

Mats turned around and left Benni gaping behind him. It took him forever to fully understand what Mats had said, and once he did, he sunk on the floor, right on the spot he had been standing on and spent the rest of the day there, lost, staring before him, not knowing if he should cry, and if so, because of whom.

He was eventually brought back to his senses again when someone knocked on his door. Hoping for Mats to return, Benni almost ran to open it, but was more than disappointed to find Lewy standing on the corridor.

”He's not here,” Benni grunted and tried to shut the door again. Lewy was faster though, managing to get his foot in between.

”You sure?” he asked, baffled.

”Yes I'm sure!”

”Did you have a fight or something?”

Benni was too shaken from the previous happenings of the day to even be amazed how Lewy suddenly seemed to be so interested, so concerned. ”Well, no, kinda... I don't even know.”

Lewy pushed himself through the door and Benni, not having enough energy to fight both the tears and Lewy, stepped back to give him space.

”Look, let me give you a friendly advice. You're a nice guy and he cares about you, he really does. It just would be for the best, for everyone involved if you just disappeared from his life. Seeing you is not good for him in the long run. I'm not too sure it's good for you either.”

Benni just huffed. Like Robert Lewandowski was capable of giving friendly advice.

  


***

  
The weather fit Benni's mood perfectly. It was November, late enough to be bitterly cold but not early enough to start snowing properly. Lack of snow and the constant rain, combined with the leafless trees made everything seem dark and gloomy. Usually he would take the bus home, but right now he felt like sulking, dwelling on the feeling that the universe was a miserable place, re-acting all his mistakes in his head. So he took the long road home, walked in the pitch-black side streets free of other people, kicking the slimy, brown leaves piling up in his path.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts, thinking about what he should do with Mats, that he didn't even realise that a car pulled up next to him and three people emerged from it, before they had grabbed him and have started to drag him towards the open trunk. And once he did realise it he didn't have any time to stop them, as he was knocked out unconscious.


	6. The room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don'y know why I hate Benni this much in my fics :( I'm sorry.

Mats sat on the couch and looked around him, taking in the ample space, expensive furniture, minute decorations that were his apartment. He had loved it once, adored it, put it together with thought and care, but now it just seemed empty. Sterile. Soulless. He didn't want to spend time there anymore, because it just reminded him of things missing. 

There were no toys scattered around or bright laughter to tell that a kid was living here. There wasn't a pile of sneakers in the hallway, dirty dishes lying around or a loud music to tell that a young man was living here. 

Mats had spent so much time at Benni's place just because at least there everything didn't constantly scream at him about his failures. But of course that was now done too. Benni had forgiven a lot of his bad traits, but there was no way he could forgive Mats not telling about how Erik got killed.

It was probably for the best though, in the end. At least now Benni had a chance for a normal life, a safe life, where nothing bad could happen to him.

***

  
As much as Mats tried to, he couldn't completely forget about Benni. Though Benni giving him the silent treatment was pretty indicative of how he now felt towards Mats, he at least wanted to talk to Benni, explain to him what had happened, tell him that as far as he was concerned, Benni was one of the best things that had ever happened in Mats' life.

Benni, by just being his lovely, adorable, in a degree a bit clueless self, had balanced Mats' harsh and cold life, offered him a welcome distraction from his ever present murky thoughts. His life had always been rather grim, but it had gotten even worse ever since her daughter had been taken away from it. Benni had been the sun appearing again after a dark, cold winter, lighting up even the most remote, dust covered corners, making everything bloom again, as melodramatic as it sounded. Benni had truly been a blessing.

Mats knew he couldn't get Benni back again, would refuse to do it even though Benni would want it, but the very least he needed to do was tell all that to Benni. He owed it to him.

***

  
”Where's the package?”

Hitting.

”Are there more moles?”

Smacking.

”What's your next move?”

Blows.

”Where's Beckham hiding?”

Whacks.

Benni didn't know the answer to these questions, or to any of the rest he was demanded, so he took the punishing beatings, time after time, for what felt like an eternity.

***

  
Mats wasn't too surprised when Benni didn't come to open his door, even after countless of times of trying. Benni wasn't answering his calls and texts either, but Mats couldn't really blame him. Mats wasn't that worried when his previous technique of waiting outside for Benni to come back home from work didn't bring any results. He was just probably staying at some friend's place to get some space between him and Mats. Mats even told himself it was completely normal that no-one at Benni's work that he asked had heard about him for days. He had just taken a quick holiday. To clear out his head. To get a new scenery. There was absolutely no reason for Mats to get concerned.

He did worry however. He got so anxious and restless that people around him noticed it too.

”For fuck sake, Mats! Snap out of it and try to get some work done! He's not gonna call you back no matter how much you keep staring at the phone.”

Mats glared back at Lewy. ”He will. It's not like him to just ditch me like that without saying a word.” 

”And how would you possibly know that? You've been seeing him for like three months!” Lewy rolled his eyes.

”I know cause he isn't a two-faced dickhead like the rest of you! He actually has manners.”

”Maybe he just thought you're not worth his precious manners anymore,” Lewy shrugged aiming for nonchalance. It wasn't fooling Mats though, who squinted his eyes and sat a bit more straight. ”Is there something you're not telling me?”

Lewy cleared his throat, turned his eyes away from Mats. ”I told him it would be the best for everyone if he was to leave you alone.”

”Lewy! What the fuck?!”

”It is the best for everyone! Now that you don't have to look after him anymore you can actually concentrate on planning missions where people don't get killed.”

The whole room made a collective gasp. It wasn't unusual in their line of work for people to get hurt, but it was never blamed on people from their own gang. Especially not on people who had immaculate history of successful operations, unquestionable work ethics and who were higher in rank than yourself. Mats finally let go of the phone he had been fiddling the past hour, rose from the chair he had been sitting on and slowly, determinedly, ominously walked to where Lewy was sitting at. Everybody else were watching and waiting, glued to their spots, anticipating something ugly to happen. Lewy still had the decency to look defiant, even under the thundering gaze of Mats, before his clenched fists.

”I did not get Erik killed,” he said very slowly, emphasizing each and every word. ”What happened was out of my control, something that no amount of planning could have prevented. And from this moment on, you will stay the fuck out of my life, Lewy. I will not ever get back with Marco, no matter how many relationships of mine you destroy.”

***

  
Two persons were holding him in place, in addition to the ropes that tied him into a chair. Third one was asking him questions, the same ones he had been asked countless of times before, but that he still didn't know the answer to. When his answers didn't satisfy his interrogator enough, which was each and every time, the two goons forced his head in to a basin full of water. Over and over again, repeatedly, continuously, endlessly.

From their interrogation Benni had gathered enough information that he was in this position because of Mats. The men wanted to know about his businesses, about the people around him, but Benni didn't know anything, hadn't even heard about half of the names the men were dropping. He tried to plead with them, tell them that they had made a mistake, Benni wasn't part of the group, he didn't know a single piece of information that would be useful for his captors. All he got as an answer was violence, even more torturing to pull his knowledge out of him.

After what felt like a small lifetime, Benni was left alone again, still attached to the chair, to a small, windowless room with concrete walls. To a room where there was no other place of interest than the door. Benni kept staring at it, waiting for the next moment someone decided to enter the room through it.

***

  
Lewy's confession did little to assure Mats his concerns were ungrounded. The nagging voice inside of his head grew ever more powerful. He hadn't actually done very good of a job keeping Benni a secret, keeping him safe. He had been stupid enough to believe it was unnecessary and once the danger presented itself, it had probably been already too late to hide him.

There was always the small possibility that his carelessness had evoked the interest of the police as well, but a very small portion of Mats believed that chance. He was pretty sure he would have noticed if the police was up to par to their business, let alone if they had taken someone up to questioning. Besides, the police weren't allowed to keep anyone for this long. Benni couldn't have even provided them any information, so he would have been released soon if the police somehow had managed to sneak under Mats' nose.

No, there really was only one chance that what might have happened to Benni. Mats couldn't sleep because of the thought of that keeping him awake, the image of Benni in that situation eating him alive.

***

  
And then all his worst fears were confirmed. He received a suspicious looking disc with no notes in it. With a growing sense of doom, with a cold sweat, with deepening frown, clenching teeth and trembling fingers, he inserted it into his laptop.

A video appeared, the still frame showing the smug face of Frank Lampard, an all too familiar figure for Mats. Without really wanting to, Mats pressed play.

”Congratulations, Hummels, you made a good choice with your loverboy. He hasn't told as anything useful. Too bad for you though that you can't appreciate him anymore. If his not useful to us, well, you know the drill. You have until midnight Friday to change things for the better for him.”

Mats looked with a stern face as the video zoomed in to a hunched figure. His whole face was covered with little cuts and bruises and one of his eyes was swollen shut. His lips were cracking, both from lack of water and from violence. He had lost some of his hair and the remaining ones were matted with blood. Mats felt mad rage boiling inside of him as he watched the listless man on the video, a resigned man, one that didn't have any hope left, a person that didn't have a single ounce of the happy-go-lucky, careless attitude of his Benni, the Benni that was all sunshines and rainbows. Benni who blushed when you told him he was cute, who giggled ever so sweetly when you pecked him on the cheek. This man on the video was not the man whom Mats knew and love and there was only one person to blame. 

Himself.

Mats' fists clenched as he just thought about it. This was exactly the reason why he hadn't wanted to let Benni close. He knew that he would end up hurting him. It came as an occupational hazard. Now, it wasn't him who was delivering the blows – oh, and Mats would _murder_ the ones who did that – but it was because of him that Benni was in this situation. His sweet, innocent Benni. Kidnapped and tortured, because his boyfriend happened to be an important leader of a drug league. Because Mats had helped to steal the other gang's cargo of imported heroine.

Mats let out a fierce yell of frustration and smashed the laptop screen broken. Then he grabbed the whole device and threw it to the wall. He felt like rising up from his chair and kicking at the remains, too. Why, why did he ever let Benni come in to his life, his heart? His daughter was already living in a foster home under different name after direct threats to her health and well-being by this same gang that now held Benni. He could never think straight when it came to people he loved.

And Benni. Benni was something, someone that Mats loved more than anyone ever before. Mats definitely couldn't always express it the right way, but it was true. He was ready to do anything for Benni. 

Right now that anything involved convincing his partners to agreeing to Lampard's demands about trading information, maybe cargo as well in exchange for Benni. Not an easy task, as Benni was truly a nobody to them, but it had to be done.


	7. The hospital

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short, I know, but I wanted to make a little cliffhanger at the end. Next chapter will be the last one! There may be an epilogue following too, I'm not too sure about it yet.

”So let me get this straight. You want us to return the shipment back to Lampard and Terry.” Beckham raised an inquiring eyebrow at Mats. He wasn't certain he had fully understood his employees rantings. They sounded ludicrous.

”Yes.” Mats nodded jerkily.

”The shipment that will make us filthy rich.”

”Yes.”

”The shipment that you planned to procure for us for months.”

”Yes.”

”The shipment that Durm stole for us, and consequently got killed because of it.”

So far Mats had been answering back without hesitation. This one made him a bit uneasy, made him squirm just a bit, but he nodded firmly nonetheless. ”Yes.” 

”In exchange for your boy toy.”

Mats made a slight frown, not too deep to upset his bosses. ”Yes.”

Beckham leaned back in his chair, puffed some air out and rolled his eyes at the table between them.

”Well, if that's the case then by all means, let's do just that. I can't actually think of any better use for it anyway than returning it.” He didn't even bother to hide the sarcasm from his voice.

”But he's a civilian!” Mats lost his cool and calm demeanor, leaping up from his chair and leaning his hands on the table, staring at his boss wildly.

”And it's very unfortunate, yes, especially if he's a great fuck, but there's nothing we can do about it.”

”But –”

”End of discussion.” Beckham rose up too, all playfulness from his voice and gestures gone. ”We are not risking our operations for a sake of one person, a person who has literally zero interest for us whatsoever. We haven't saved important people in these situations, and we certainly are not starting a new code of conduct now because of some nobody.”

Mats squeezed his eyes shut and tried to keep himself from yelling. _Some nobody._

”It'll sting for a while but you'll find someone new soon enough. You did after Marco too.”

  


***

  
In all honesty Mats knew it had been a desperate act. He didn't really think there was even the tiniest of chance of Beckham approving to Lampard's demands. But still, it hurt to actually hear it, see the look of disbelief on his face when Mats even had the decency to ask something so ridiculous.

Beckham didn't get it though, none of them did. Benni wasn't like all the other guys Mats had been seeing after separating with Marco. Benni was something else. Benni was something more. 

Even if he wasn't, Mats was tired of letting people die. He didn't want that pain on his conscience, ever again. The Erik case gnawed him bad enough already. Absolutely everything had gone wrong with it, the Lampard gang had somehow found out that Erik wasn't loyal to them anymore, Erik had tried to impress Mats' gang too eagerly, pulling the riskiest of stunts while stealing the drugs, and then he had went hiding, gravely wounded, to a location where it was virtually impossible for anyone to go and save him.

It could be said that Mats wasn't the one to blame for that then, but he did, however futile it was. It was him after all who had made the final decision of not sending a rescue team for Erik, not until it was too late.

This time he would do differently. This time he would make sure no-one got killed. This time he would be on time.

  


***

  
Benni had been in the same room for god knew how long. There wasn't any way for him to tell the passing of the time. There was only the same routine of people coming inside, asking him questions, demanding information that he didn't have and then violently punishing him because of it. He didn't know how often they came, how long their interrogation lasted, how many times they had done it, it all blurred together in Benni's hazed mind.

But he knew it had been long enough, often enough for him to start losing the battle. It was ever more difficult for him to stay conscious. The pain had grown strong enough to not register properly anymore, it was just a buzzing underthought. 

Benni had a strange experience of leaving his mutilated, broken, used body behind, watching it from the corner of the ceiling. It looked pathetic. It was dirty, bloody, bruised. It was in a hunched position, one of its arms was mangled in an unnatural way, the fingers pointing to every which way. Thick, black blood was slowly but steadily dripping from its mouth to the stained floor. 

Somehow it reminded him of home. Benni stayed to watch a little longer.

A sudden noise from the door made Benni return to his body, half against his will, to see what was in store for him next. Only two men walked in, they were not joined by the usual brutes. Benni could have almost made himself believe that they were there to only talk then, if it wasn't for the impressive looking gun the other one of them was carrying with him.

”The clock said tick tock, but loverboy didn't come. I'd go haunt him if I were you.”

So this was it then. Benni made a mental sigh and closed his eyes. His life on this world would come to an end. And to think that he had only couple of months ago thought that advancing too fast with a lazy person was bad. Ha, if only that naive boy had known that advancing too fast with a criminal would lead up to getting shot at. Having to do the dishes every time seemed kind of small compared to that.

Guess this wasn't too bad though. He had had his moments. And at least the pain would go away now. Benni heard the click of the safety going off and waited for the bang, the last sound he would ever hear.

There was a bang, but not the kind he had expected. It was a bang of the door, followed by excessive shouting, running, all sorts of noises that were too confusing for him to follow. Benni cracked open his eyes and saw a group of men surrounding him and his captors, all wearing the same uniform of bullet-proof vests, all heavily armed, all wearing a badge he had not expected to see here.

Benni passed out, from relief, from pain, from thirst, from what ever.

  


***

  
First there was the breathtaking pain. One that hit him like a train wreck and pulled him back to the darkness again. Slowly, gradually it faded, so that he could register other things as well. Steady peeping, muffled talking, someone touching him. Eventually the pain took other forms too, subdued to his hand and his head and he could see the change of light and darkness. Little by little, Benni could stay awake for longer, actually open his eyes and took in his surroundings.

There were white clothes, white bed sheets, white walls, white everything. Benni briefly considered the possibility of this being heaven, but the scary looking instruments, machines and hoses all around him shattered that image. Sometimes there were people around him too, people in green clothes. They talked to each other, maybe to him too, but Benni couldn't really concentrate on what they were saying. Some of the green people touched and poked him, put needles and bandages and casts on him. Some of them gave him food that didn't taste like anything. Benni ate it still, because he didn't know what else to do.

Slowly Benni understood that he must be in a hospital. He didn't fully remember why he was in there, was certain only of the fact that he didn't _want to_ remember it, but he knew he was in a pretty bad shape. It was noticeable from the looks on his doctors' faces, from the fact that they didn't let anyone see him, from the ever constant pain he was feeling.

As days went by he slowly regained some of his health and his senses. The pain subdued, some of the hospital staff actually smiled at him, his mother came to see him. They talked for a short while but of nothing important. Benni was pretty sure she was as confused about his situation as he was himself.

Mostly Benni spent his days alone in his bed, sleeping, resting, focusing on getting his strength back. He sometimes heard people talking behind the door of his room, about wanting to see him but they were always denied entrance by his doctor. 

It came as a surprise then, when he one day woke up to a man sitting by his bed. He wasn't wearing any hospital staff outfits, but Benni didn't think the man was his friend or a relative either. Or was he suffering from amnesia as well? Was this still a dream? As he noticed Benni being awake, he rose up and walked right next to him, looking severe and like he didn't really want to be here. Benni wondered even more why such a man was visiting him.


	8. The courtroom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, that took me longer than I thought. Hopefully the result is satisfactory :)
> 
> As you may notice from the chapter count, there's definitely going to be an epilogue. Don't hold your breath with it, it's going to take time too, but it will come, sooner or later.
> 
> My deepest and most heartfelt thanks for everyone who had read, subscribed, left kudos and commented. It's a great feeling to be able to share your work with an audience and your presence has given me strength to carry on when I've struggled, and boy did I ever with this one...
> 
> Let me know what you think!

Mats sat in his car, eyeing the intimidating building before him. He drummed the steering wheel and pondered the situation, if he really should go in, like he had originally thought. Benni needed him, he knew that, and doing this was the only way that Mats could think of helping him. If only things were that simple though.

Mats had been a somewhat typical teenager, rebelling against the traditional, conservative values that his parents represented. It had lead to bad habits, bad circles and bad people, and by the time he had met Marco, another troubled soul, Mats didn't ever want to leave. Mats wasn't much of a user himself, but he loved the company still, the danger, the attitude, the carelessness. Through Marco Mats had met Lewy and his gang and had wanted to join them immediately. Being an intelligent person, Mats had quickly risen through the ranks too. 

He knew he didn't have a respectable career, he didn't always enjoy the things they had to do, but mainly Mats liked what he did very much. He had an interesting job, one that didn't require the usual nine to five hours, one that offered good money and travelling opportunities and that had a tingling sense of adventure always attached to it, the one that Mats loved so much. 

And his friends and bosses... They definitely weren't the most innocent and polite lot but Mats truly liked them, appreciated them. He felt safe and welcome with them. When he had needed them, they had helped him without a question. They had always accepted him the way he was, they never judged him. They treated him with respect and honestly spoke their mouths clean when it was due. 

Benni was much the same, but with the added pinch of childlike enthusiasm an joy that had made Mats fall for him in the first place. Mats had had his fair share of partners, but after Marco Benni had been the first one that he truly cared about. He hadn't fully realised it before the incident of Benni leaving after Marco's surprise visit. The following days spent in the presence of his grunting and sulking friends, not hearing Benni's bubbling laughter, not seeing his dazzling smile had been downright depressing.

So it was between the gang and Benni. Between people that Mats owed so much to, wouldn't be anything without. Between people that he cared and loved about.

With his last gush of determination, Mats gripped the steering wheel harder. By doing this, he would get the hate and resentment of the gang upon him, but he could really save Benni. Being despised by the people that had become his family was obviously bad, but if he didn't do this, if he backed down now, he would end up despising himself.

Mats stepped out of the car and started towards the building. They wouldn't recognise him there by his face, but he hoped his name would get the reaction he wanted.

  


***

  
”Welcome back to life, Benedikt,” the man beside his bed said. He didn't seem too thrilled. ”For a while there it looked like you might not make it. But you have that fighting spirit that Mats likes.”

Mats? Benni looked at the visitor, then around his small room, confused, as if expecting to see someone else there too.

”He sent his regards. He'd probably be here himself but he is, you know, _otherwise engaged_ right now.”

Otherwise... what? Benni turned his eyes back to the man.

”You made him pull quite a stunt there. He sold all his partners, Beckham, Rooney, everyone. Even all the unimportant, every single one of them. Just to save you.”

If Benni didn't know any better, the man sounded bitter. But then again, he couldn't really rely on his brain capacity right now. All his thoughts were a big mush right now, and it didn't help that he had just woken up.

”He's in some deep shit if one of them ever gets their hands on him. But I don't think you have to worry, they likely don't have any interests to come after you. They wouldn't gain anything from it. And as already proven, Mats would do some fucked up shit if anyone ever tried.”

Benni frowned. Following this conversation was really hard. The person talked about people and things that were unfamiliar to him, and was himself unfamiliar to Benni too. The only thing that rang a bell in his speech was Mats. Him Benni remembered very well. 

”He wrote you a letter,” the man gestured towards a small table next to Benni's bed, and Benni indeed saw an envelope on it. ”Told me to buy you flowers too but I just couldn't, sorry about that.”

He didn't look sorry at all, standing straight and tense, having his arms folded before his chest, glaring down at Benni. Benni finally got his mouth open to say something himself too, but he was too slow to actually get any sounds out of it, his visitor was continuing already again.

”You must be tired, I won't bother you any longer. Good day, Benedikt.”

The visitor turned on his heels and left after spending less than five minutes with Benni, without letting Benni say a single word. It was all definitely very strange, but Benni didn't think too much of it, his mind was already focused on the envelope on his bedside table. It practically screamed at him.

The table was situated at the side of his injured hand, so he had a little trouble picking the envelope up. There was nothing significant about it, just his name neatly written on the center. Benni didn't know if he should open it. He did remember Mats, everything about him. How much he loved him, wanted to be with him. How much he enjoyed his company. How well Mats had treated him. How Mats had started to open up to him, trust him.

How people around Mats got killed and kidnapped.

Benni tossed the envelope back to the table, turned his back on it and tried to get some more sleep.

  


***

  
After being released from the hospital, Benni started a whole new life. He quit his old, boring job, life was too short to be spent in a such place. He moved out from his old building, with amazing surroundings but full of bitter memories. He bought a new couch, a black one this time, and five cans of fabric protection spray. He started to run again, something he hadn't really done since meeting Mats for the first time, and added muscle building exercises to his workout routine too.

But the biggest change he did was starting to live according to the advice that Klaas had given him at the beginning of this whole thing with Mats. He made the effort of learning to love himself, learning to appreciate his life even if he was single. It was about the time to do that. After all, if he didn't love himself, no-one else would do that either. If he just desperately searched for anyone willing to have him, he would find nothing but people who suited him badly.

He didn't have a single long-lasting relationship in his past, only a series of short ones that had all ended because of this or that, because of some minor, stupid things really. He could see he had been a bit naive, looking for the perfect fairy tale romance and the prince of his dreams. He had wanted pink, fluffy clouds, grand gestures, fierce emotions that never faded, adoration. But of course real life wasn't like that. Real life was mundane chores, compromises, going to work and watching a bit of telly in the evening. If he could find someone to share all that with and give him a good night kiss he should consider himself lucky.

Despite all his efforts, not a day went by that Benni didn't fish out Mats' letter from the drawer and pondered about opening it. By now he knew that Mats was in prison, he had been the one to inform police about Benni's kidnap and where he was most likely held. In the process he had confessed his own crimes as well. Benni could very well guess what the letter contained but he didn't know if he wanted to read it. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to face it.

Benni couldn't even begin to express how grateful he felt, how much he appreciated Mats' act. He didn't have any bad feelings towards Mats or their time together. He had even almost visited Mats once, lurking before the prison gathering strength, but chickened out in the end. It was just that he knew he needed to get over Mats, move on. Even if he had left his bad habits behind, he was still facing a long conviction. Prison wasn't the best place to maintain a healthy relationship. Seeing him, even reading about his feelings wouldn't help Benni too much in the process of getting over him.

  


***

  
Mats waited. And waited. And waited. He sat in his bunk, stared at the wall and waited for someone to come. For his own safety Mats wasn't allowed to join the other inmates and their activities, so waiting was all he had. Every morning he woke up with newly kindled hope, every time he was announced a visitor his throat tightened from anticipation. But each time he only saw his lawyer or Marco in the visiting room was a bigger disappointment than the previous one, each night he fell asleep to the dreadful thought that he was one day closer to never seeing Benni again.

Mats had demanded for Marco to deliver Benni the letter he had written, the letter that among other things explained how Benni could come see him. Marco claimed he had done just that, but Mats didn't know if he should believe him. It would mean that Benni didn't _want_ to visit him. Of course Mats could understand why Benni would feel that way, but it hurt nonetheless.

Time was running out. It wasn't that long anymore when he would go to court and testify against his bosses, his friends, in exchange of a place in a witness protection program. He felt it had been a necessity after telling the police about Benni's kidnap behind Beckham's back. He wouldn't have been safe with them anyway, and by going against them he got the protection of the government. He would get a new life, a new identity. His lawyer had even managed to get his daughter to join him in the program, reasoning that she could be used as a leverage to lure Mats out from his hiding place.

Mats didn't regret his decision. He just wished that he could see Benni, just one more time, so he could be certain that Benni knew his motives, understood them, didn't hate him.

He hoped, but it diminished by the day.

  


***

  
Benni sat in the bench, sweating nervously. He didn't want to be here, not in the least, but he knew he didn't have a choice.

His hair had grown back, his bruises had faded, the headaches had seized and his hand was working normally again, but nothing could relieve the nightmares he had. Most nights he still visited the cold, dark, unfriendly room, stared at the door, saw the angry faces and heard the threatening questions.

Capturing two major drug gangs down by the last member and confiscating a massive amount of heroine was the topic of the year in town. Everyone wanted to know more, wanted to see how the bad guys were put behind bars. Everyone except Benni. 

Oh, he was rather looking forward to the fact that his abductors were getting off the streets, that _he_ was going to be the one to enable that, that by his testimony the monsters were getting extra time in a governmental hotel through kidnap and torture and attempted murder. He would just have preferred to give this testimony somewhere else than the small booth before the court, in front of the men he was accusing. Looking at them, unable to suffuse all the memories rushing in to his mind.

Mainly Benni sat silent, tensed up, keeping his eyes closed and focusing on happy thoughts, reciting the answers he had practiced with the lawyer over and over again, so he didn't have to see or hear anything else that took place in the courtroom. He succeeded pretty well in it, until a familiar name announced by the prosecutor pierced his barriers.

”The prosecution calls Mats Hummels to witness.”

Benni opened his eyes purely out from shock. He hadn't known that Mats would be a witness too. He watched the small door to the side room open and Mats, clad in inmate clothing and handcuffed, being escorted to the witness booth. He had a stern, determined expression on his face, one without regret or sorrow, he walked with a steady gate and his head held up. Benni gulped involuntarily.

Benni listened to Mats answering all the questions without a trace of hesitance in his voice, telling the whole courtroom about all the things he had done, revealing dirty details from his gang members, stuff that would put them all in jail for years to come. He never faltered, never batted an eye, even though Benni could guess how painful it was to him to admit everything, be the one to do this to his old friends, adding years to their sentence by revealing all the information he did.

After finishing his testimony, Mats looked at Benni, straight to his soul, before walking away again. Benni felt a strange tightness in his chest, pressure behind his eyes.

  


***

  
After the day in court, Benni walked back home. He needed the fresh air to calm down his racing heart, needed the exercise to support his trembling legs. It wasn't only his testimony, speaking about the kidnap that had left him feeling this shaken, but also the fact that he had seen Mats again. The tidal wave of emotions that had risen in him by his mere presence made him feel raw, exposed, old. Sad. The process of getting over Mats had taken a huge leap backwards.

Benni knew it was for the best for him to move on, but what he knew and what he felt were two completely different things. Having heard Mats speak had made his brain say no because of the content of the words, and his heart scream yes because of the pleasing sound. Having seen Mats' hands had made his brain say no because they were in cuffs, and his heart scream yes because those hands would feel so good on Benni. Having seen Mats' eyes had made his brain refuse because of the severe look and his heart plead, because it still remembered all the entirely different looks directed at Benni by those same eyes.

Having seen Mats again in person had been much harder than Benni would have ever imagined. It was apparently still messing his head, because he thought that the someone sitting on a bench on the front yard of his new building was Mats. His appearance certainly was very similar and the resemblance to their first meetings was heart swelling.

As if he had heard Benni's thoughts, the figure turned to look at him over his shoulder and gave him a sad smile.

Benni didn't really understand how Mats could be there, but he didn't really care either. He was just happy that he was there at all. He walked slowly to the bench, sat next to Mats and smiled hesitantly as well. For a while they both just sat there, a bit awkward, taking in the sight of each other at close quarters again.

Mats was the first one to break the silence, and what he had to say, how he said it in a raspy voice was something that Benni hadn't expected to hear.

”Thank you.”

”For, for what?” Benni stuttered back. Mats cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably on the bench.

”For making me a better person. I've had a lot of time to think and I've realised that I don't want to be the person that I once was anymore. I made that call to leave Erik there. I made a decision that I knew would end his life. I don't want to make such decisions. I don't want to leave people dying alone, cold and miserable, leaving them hanging on a hope that someone is coming to get them.” Mats paused for a while, stared at the distance.

”I know you don't feel the same, but I'm glad you were in my life, Benni. I'm happy about the things you brought in to my life and I'll cherish all the memories I have of you.”

Benni was struggling to find his voice, when Mats continued.

”I'm starting in a witness protection program tomorrow. I'll no longer be Mats Hummels anymore, and hopefully I won't be a person acting as a god either. I can't be in touch with anyone I knew before, so I wanted to come and say the last goodbye to you. I know you don't want to grant it for me, and I understand, but it helps me to see that I didn't destroy you completely. I would gladly take whatever horrible death Beckham is planning on me if it ever came to that. 

I'm so, so sorry that I ever put you through it.”

Benni had never thought he would ever see Mats again, let alone this vulnerable, and that it would break his heart this much. Benni had thought that he had begun the process of getting over Mats Hummels well, would slowly but surely forget that horrible period of his life. But here he was, the object of his nightly dreams, in flesh in front of him, within reach. Benni wanted nothing more than to lift his hand and touch him, hug him, inhale the scent of his hair. Kiss him, until his sad frown turned into a happy smile, until his eyes were sparkling from joy and not from unshed tears.

Thoughts were running in his head, and he could not get any of them out of his mouth.

Mats rose from the bench and Benni could have sworn he sniffed. Without looking back at Benni, he started walking towards the black car waiting for him nearby. To an outside observer, he might have looked determined, strong, confident, proud, but Benni knew differently. Benni saw the tell-tale signs of defeat, resignation, sorrow in his figure, his essence. Benni knew this man. Benni knew him, understood him.

”Mats?”

  


***

  
Mats had sworn not to look back. He knew he would have to be carried out, dragged away from Benni if he ever saw that face again. But what was he supposed to do now, when said man with said, stupidly cute face was calling after him? Man with a face that now had a few scars on it, ones that Mats hadn't seen before, ones that were there because of him. Mats clenched his fingers around the door handle harder, braced himself, turned to look at Benni who was running after him.

Benni stopped right in front of him. His breathing was ragged, even though he had run only about twenty meters or so. He looked at Mats, from head to toe, and his wondering gaze finally stopped when it met Mats'. His right hand twitched, he bit his lower lip.

”Are you allowed to take someone with you to the program?”

  


***

  
Benni had a history of advancing too fast in relationships with bad consequences. Now he was moving in to another part of the country, under new name, with a former criminal and his daughter, whom he had never met before.

But with true love, you just knew what the right pace was.


	9. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh wow. That took way more time than I thought it would. Sorry about that, but here it is, the epilogue! Enjoy :)

The steady beat of his feet thumping on the pavement filled Benni's mind, clearing away all other thoughts. He just concentrated on his laborious breath, the sweat rolling down on his back, the wind hitting his face, keeping his rhythm even in midst of the pain and tiredness that threatened to took him over.

Benni had always liked running as a mind clearing exercise. It helped him to not only forget buggering thoughts but gave the satisfaction of physically running away from his problems. In the past he had often gone to run for hours, always pushing on forward, faster away from where he was coming from, not even daring to think about returning, saving some of his strength for the way back.

Now reaching the furthest peak of his lap was the best part of it. He always turned back with a smile on his face, with a little added power back in his legs. He would run back faster than ever, competing with himself to be back home sooner.

He didn't run away his problems anymore. He didn't run to forget his troubling thoughts. He ran to get to his loved ones sooner, to have more energy to fully concentrate on them after a little me-time.

Benni spurted onto his last sprint when he reached a certain street, in a nice and quiet residential area in the outskirts of a town. It was filled to the brim with little light-coloured houses with small but beautifully kept yards, many of them sporting a shiny car and a pile of children's toys. Benni waved his hand to the occasional passers-by or people lounging on their porches, but didn't stop until he reached a pale yellow house with white window sills and a red roof. The flower situation in the garden wasn't truly enviable, but the grass was freshly cut and the swing set and the trampoline took enough space to clear the attention away from the slowly dying vegetation.

Benni stopped on the porch, to catch his breath a little before continuing inside. He yelled a 'I'm back!' to the general vicinity of the upstairs and walked to the kitchen himself. He downed two classes of water before starting to unload the dishwasher. He had a little time to indulge himself in the shower as well before he needed to start making dinner, his husband would be home later tonight than on most days, having to go to a monthly health check with their baby boy.

”Daddy, what's six times six?” A swirl of pigtails and horse-pictured clothes entered the kitchen, carrying maths books in tow. 

”You can count it yourself too, sweetie,” Benni smiled encouragingly.

”But daddy!”

”Now come on, you're very good with the five times table. Remember what's five times six?”

The little girl slammed her books on the kitchen table and sat on it herself too, crossing her arms petulantly. ”Maybe.”

Benni tried to bite down the laugh he felt bubbling in his throat. It didn't matter that his daughter didn't have any blood relation to his husband, they were like two peas in a pod with their mannerisms.

”Then just add six more to that figure and you'll have your answer. Try to do the problems on your own, yeah, I'll check if they're right once you're done.”

***

Benni heard the heart breaking cries before anything else. He had just managed to put fresh clothes on after his shower, and he hurried down to the hallway to take the precious cargo from his husband, to relieve his burden for a while.

”You're off early,” he said, taking the baby into his arms and starting to swing him around, patting his back at the same time.

”Yeah, there wasn't much to see. He's still gaining weight very slowly.”

”Aww, you poor thing,” Benni bemoaned to the little bundle, whose cries were now slowly turning into hiccups. ”They don't have any news about the allergies yet?”

Mats shook his head, a defeated look on his eyes, the one that Benni recognised very well from the mirror. The one you had when you could do absolutely nothing to help your loved ones in pain.

”Do you want to try and feed him? I was just about to start making dinner.”

The household fell into a familiar rhythm, Benni doing chores, Mats taking care of the baby and their daughter Melina doing her homework. The usual happenings were interrupted by an unfamiliar noise however, when the doorbell rang. 

”Is one of your friends coming over?” Benni turned to ask from Melina. They didn't usually have unannounced visitors. The little girl shook her head and Benni's puzzlement just grew, when he heard Mats opening the door but not saying anything. 

Benni went to see himself who the visitor was. And whom he finally saw when he reached the hallway, surprised and scared him enough for him to let his grip from the plate he was carrying to loose. The plate came crashing down on the floor, shattering to dozens of pieces. 

It did nothing to the tangible tension that had took the foyer over. The baby in Mats' arms just started crying again, and their dog lifted her furry head from the couch. Benni swore that next time they would get some other dog than a Yorkshire Terrier, some breed that would actually do something other than to just tilt her head to the stranger, would protect her family from the likes of Robert Lewandowski.

”Melina. Go to your room to finish your homework.” Mats' voice was firm enough that she obeyed without protests, taking her books and giving a puzzled look to the man still standing in their doorway before taking the stairs.

”Benni, take Erik and go with her.”

Benni leaped out to take the baby, but he hesitated about going to upstairs. He was torn between protecting his children and staying with his husband, not wanting to leave him alone to deal with the intruder. Mostly he wanted to inform the police, but his phone was in the kitchen. There was no way he could retrieve it and use it without Lewy noticing. Melina had a phone too, but only god knew where that was, she wasn't the best at taking care of her things.

Mats had kept his eyes firmly on Lewy, but sensing Benni's hesitation, he turned to look at him. ”Really Benni, it's okay. Just go, I'll take care of this.”

Benni took a small step backwards and fought the tears that threatened to fill his eyes. He didn't want it to end, not like this, not now. Not ever. He wanted to live until he and Mats were both hundred years old, he wanted to die in his own bed holding hands with Mats, having said their goodbyes to their children and grand-children and great-grand-children.

”Oh, for fuck's sake,” Lewy huffed. ”This isn't that serious, I'm not here to kill anyone.”

Mats turned back to Lewy to squint at him, Benni took another two steps back.

”For real. Let's all just sit down and talk, okay?” Without waiting for an invitation, Lewy stepped inside of their house and started towards the kitchen. He didn't take his shoes off, so he didn't bother minding the shattered plate on the floor either, he let the pieces crunch beneath him while he walked to the kitchen and sat on their dinner table. Benni and Mats changed looks, but followed him nonetheless, sitting next to each other, opposite of Lewy.

”So, you've extended your family? Two kids, a dog, living in the suburbs. Must be the dream.”

Benni hold Erik just a little bit tighter to himself. Mats put his hand on Benni's thigh and squeezed it, soothing him, calming him, assuring him that it was going to be all right. Letting Benni know he loved him.

”Did you say his name was Erik? What a nice touch,” Lewy hummed. 

”Why are you here, Lewy?” Mats asked. He tried to remain calm but still some hint of hostility crept into his voice.

”I'm not going to hurt you, really. I just want to talk.” Lewy spread his hands on the table, palms down, trying to make an innocent composure.

”You tracked us down just so you could talk? Why I have difficulties to believe that.”

”Actually, I didn't track you down. I got out from jail four months ago and I moved here right after, to live with my grandmother, to get some distance to the old life. I was taking her to a hospital today and I saw you there. It was just a happy coincidence.”

”Lucky us,” Benni muttered under his breath. If he ever got out of this situation, someone on the police force was going to get their face yelled off. Sending them to live in the same city as Lewy's grandmother, real professional.

”No, it was more like lucky me,” Lewy said, dead serious, crossing his hands on the table. ”Believe it or not, I had quite some time to think things over when I was serving my time. I came to understand why you did what you did, Mats, and I'm not mad for you about it. And I...”

Lewy took a deep breath, started to knead his hands. He had been looking at the table during his little speech, but now he gave Benni a small glance under his lashes.

”I wanted to apologise. I feel like it was partly my fault that you had to endure that kidnap for so long. We had that little chat just before it and I thought you had left voluntarily, I made Mats think so too.”

Benni didn't know what else to do than gape, mouth hanging open. Not to mention that he was well beyond the point of blaming anyone about what had happened to him, blaming Robert Lewandowski about it had not even crossed his mind. And definitely, not in a million years, would he have thought that Lewy regretted it, wanted to apologise for him.

”I was angry for Mats for leaving Marco and I took it on you, 'cause I thought you were like the rest of the guys Mats saw. You know, just, temporary fun.”

”Uh, it's okay?” Benni answered, hesitantly. He really didn't know what to do. Only five minutes back he had thought he would lose his whole family, everyone that mattered to him, would soon take his last breath on Earth. But no, here he was, accepting apologies instead. Mats looked just as amazed. 

Lewy kept monologueing, making both of his listeners to rise their brows higher and higher with each sentence. He told them that he had decided to give an honest life a try, was not in contact with any of the gang members anymore, regretted a lot of the things he had done, would not reveal Mats' and Benni's location to anyone. 

Lewy talked until he was interrupted by a clear child's voice. ”When are we going to eat? I'm starving.” Without anyone of them noticing, Melina had come back downstairs and was now standing in the kitchen doorway, her arms crossed, looking at all of them with the cutting glance only she knew how to pull off.

Benni's panic rose again. He had lulled in to a sense of easyness when Lewy hadn't showed any signs of wanting to hurt them, but who knew what he wanted to do to Melina. Lewy obviously had much bigger loyalties to Marco than to Beckham. He could try to kidnap her or something. Next to him, Benni felt Mats tensing up as well, when Lewy's face broke into a wide smile.

”Hey girl, remember your uncle Lewy?”

Melina furrowed her brows and eyed the man suspiciously. Mats came to her aid. ”Lewy is a friend of your old daddy.”

The little girl looked even more confused. She had been five when they started the witness protection program, old enough to still remember her biological father, and she had been told countless of times that she was not allowed to talk about him to strangers. 

”Are you still in touch with Marco?” Mats turned to ask from Lewy. When he nodded, Mats rose up, went to the living room and returned soon with a framed picture in hand. ”She had her picture taken in school a couple of weeks back. Maybe you can give this to him?”

Lewy left soon after, clutching the given picture with both hands. Benni and Mats stood on their porch, watching him go.

”We have to move again, don't we,” Benni sighed.

”Yeah,” Mats drawled.

”And change our names too.”

”Mm, I don't know. It's still ten years before Beckham or Rooney get out. We could stay here too.”

Benni turned his head towards Mats with a snap. ”You want to risk it? Trust Lewy not to tell anyone?”

Mats wrapped his arm around Benni's waist and drew him close, gave him a little kiss on the cheek.

”I like it here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that Benni and Mats should have different names, but I thought it would be too confusing to use some other names on them, especially cause Lewy would still have called them Benni and Mats, not knowing their new names. So, Benni and Mats they still are.
> 
> For the record, their new names would have been Bastian and Lukas ;)


End file.
